About A Good Day

I had a really good day today, and since those have been rare lately I thought I should record it for posterity and to remind me that they do happen. Actually, that makes it sound like I've had nothing but horrible days and that isn't really true. Things have been better lately but it has been awhile since I've left the office thinking "that was a good day".

My day started with a meeting with the consortium I'm working with for a really big grant proposal. The meeting is not held at my office and I usually go straight there on the mornings of our meetings instead of going all the way to my office and then turning around an hour later and coming back. So I work from their meeting room or from a cafe near by until it is time for our meeting to start. We started almost an hour late this morning but somehow that didn't bother me as much as it normally does. Nothing I had planned on finishing got finished but we had a good discussion and made important progress on other things. I had lunch with someone from one of the other organizations and we talked about our logframe and objectives as well as our organogram over brown rice salad with raisins and cashews and a cafe mocha. Work is more enjoyable over a good lunch.

Then I went back to the office and spent the afternoon in skype conversations realizing that no one was sure about what progress we had actually made this morning on those important things, and that somehow no decisions had actually been made. Again, somehow this did not bother me as much as it normally would have and I spent a couple of hours figuring things out and I think I made some progress and things will be fine by Monday.

So reading this, it sounds like I should have had a frustrating day brightened only by a yummy lunch with a nice colleague. But it was actually a really good day and I enjoyed working with interesting and smart people and problem solving obstacles and just doing my job. It has been awhile since I found these things enjoyable in themselves and it is a nice way to end the week. It is Friday and I am looking forward to the weekend but I am not as desperate for it as I was at the end of last week. Hopefully the rest of the five weeks (!? when did that happen...) I have left in Burundi are as pleasant as this one, although maybe a little more productive!

To finish off this happy post, here are a couple happy pictures from my trip to the beach last weekend.

Tanganyika Blue Bay Resort in Rumonge

My view for most of the afternoon

Sunset over the beach

You can't really tell here, but it rained on Sunday. Hung out and read on the beach anyway.

Sunset over Bujumbura

This week has been much better than the last couple of weeks. I still get frustrated with work sometimes and I had to work this morning even though it was a holiday, but in general it is better. My meeting today was with people I enjoy working with and I leave tomorrow for two days on the beach south of Bujumbura. It will be nice to get away and just relax. I am hoping it doesn't rain, but since it is the rainy season I think it might be more realistic to hope it doesn't rain much. The nice thing about the rains here is that while it rains almost every day, it usually only rains for an hour or two. Today was an exception and it rained almost all day. I'm hoping that means it won't rain at all tomorrow!

Last weekend a friend and I spent the evening at Belvedere Restaurant up on the hill overlooking Bujumbura. Here are a couple pictures of the sunset over the city.

Those are the mountains of the DRC in the distance

The sun setting over Lake Tanganika

Not a bad way to spend a Sunday evening. Heading south to Ramonge tomorrow. More pictures to come.

Another Day

I started the last post admitting that I’ve been struggling with some things and that not all of it has been happy. I’ve been discouraged and disappointed a lot over the past couple of weeks, especially over the past couple of days. I am usually a positive enough person and am pretty intentional about finding the good side of things, people and situations. It isn’t usually something I have to try very hard at. So this negativity I’m feeling has been hard to deal with because I feel like it isn’t me.  

I have been working really hard on a project since right before I went home for the wedding. I worked on it while I was home even though it was supposed to be a bit of a vacation. I had skype conference calls at 6am because of the time difference and the weeks after I got back to Burundi I worked 15-20 hours a day and worked all through the weekends. I was working with a team or other people on this project and I enjoyed the opportunity to work with them and learn from them, but the process was stressful and at times it felt like we were going in circles. At the last minute it was decided that the proposal we had worked so hard on would not be submitted.To be told at the very last minute that all this work had been for nothing was incredibly discouraging. I have finished swearing at the wall now, but I am still feeling really disappointed and a little angry. It is not all on my shoulders, it is not my fault that this didn't work – I was part of a team and not really in charge, but I can’t help feeling like if I had done better, worked harder, managed time or people differently,, then it would have worked out differently. In the past I think I have taken experiences like this as motivation to do better, or to work harder. This time I am less motivated and it is making me feel like I am overwhelmed and under qualified. I have a lot of work left to do in the next two months so I know I need to be more positive. And I will be. Tomorrow. But for now I am exhausted, homesick and ready to be finished. I am trying to find my way back to being the positive person who is up for the challenge, but she might be a little lost right now. I know a lot of this is because of how tired I am. I am working to put some balance back in my daily life and am reminding myself that I’m not carrying this alone and that I need to cast all my cares on the One who is able to carry them all. This reminder along with good coffee, lunch today outside by the lake with a friend and cleansing thunderstorms are helping me to feel more like myself.

I know this post has been a bit negative. Sorry for that. I promise my next post will have pictures and will be more upbeat.

I am still here!

I am alive and well and not dead. Since I haven’t posted here in nearly two months I know some of you might have been wondering. I'm still here.

I have been meaning to post for some time but I have been struggling with a few things and anything I posted would mostly have been a discussion about how much I have been working and some of the things that are bringing me down. I didn't think that was particularly interesting. And a blog must be interesting. A blog could have an existential crisis if it weren't interesting as that is part of its core identity. And obviously I have still been working too hard and not sleeping enough since I am not sure if that made any sense.

So before I share about the crap and the discouraging and disheartening stuff that has been happening the past two weeks, lets start with something fun and really happy. I flew home at the beginning of September for two weeks so that I could be part of my best friend’s wedding. It was nothing like the movie. I had made this part of my contract negotiations when I took this position, that I would be able to take the two weeks to go home. Silly me said I would be available via skype and email if necessary, but honestly I assumed it would not be necessary. But that is another story. 

I took a direct flight from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to Toronto – a 16 hour flight. I almost lost my sanity but I was really glad to get home in a total of 23 hours instead of the regular 32-36 hours that you get when you go through Europe and have an 8-12 hour layover. I arrived home at 8am and the Best Friend picked me up at the airport using her Ipad as a sign with my name on it. I don't think anyone has ever met me at the airport with a sign with my name on it before. It was pouring rain and early on a Saturday morning and she was still there and then bought me a coffee. This is the second time that the Best Friend has met me at the airport, the first being when I came home from my exchange trip to France in grade 10.  See why she is the Best Friend?

While I was home I spent time with my family and my friends, although busy schedules made it so I only saw my sister for a total of about 6 hours the entire time I was home. We’ll have to work on that!  I caught up with old friends and cousins I haven’t spent enough time with over the years. I ate salads almost every day and walked around without being pointed at, stared at or asked for money. I also helped plan the ‘wedding shower/bachelorette/fun day spent with the Bride” which was the weekend before the wedding.  This turned out to be a pretty low key day with none of the craziness or shenanigans one might expect, but was a good time just to spend time together and relax. The next weekend was the rehearsal and of course, the Main Event.

The Best Friend and I have been friends almost as long as I can remember, and I know The Groom pretty well too. So I was thrilled that I was able to make it home to be a part of their day. It was beautiful, laid back and fun. It was a good reflection of the two of them and of their relationship. Surprisingly I didn't cry at all during the ceremony, but I suspect this is only because the bride kept it together. If she had started to cry, even a little bit I would have lost it.  The Best Friend’s sister was the MoH and asked me to help her with her speech. It didn’t say everything we wanted it to since we finished it last minute despite all kinds of good intentions. I wanted it to say how much I love her, how much her friendship all these years has meant to me, how much of who I am was shaped by my friendship with her, how proud I am of who she is and how she lives her life, and how incredibly happy I am for her and The Groom. So if our speech didn’t say all that, now I have. That is what a blog is for.

It was really great to be home, even for only a couple of weeks. It was not the most relaxing of ‘vacations’ since I worked almost every day I was home, but it was what I needed to get through the next couple of weeks. I arrived back here in Burundi with some of the worst jetlag in history but mostly refreshed and ready to work. Now I’m back in the land of sun, beaches and a stupid crazy work schedule. I’m sharing my apartment with two new geckos and a millipede that lives on my ceiling (most of the time. I don't like to think about where it is the rest of the time....) and I finally got a lightbulb in my kitchen. It is amazing the difference that makes – it made me temporarily turn into my mom and clean the room from top to bottom! So focusing on the positives, life is pretty good. And since this post is long enough and too happy to be brought down by the Other Stuff, I will leave that for another day.