Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
And all will be well...
A couple of months ago I posted about some possible opportunities that would take me back to Africa but then I haven't mentioned them since. That is because Chad was totally taken off the table due to the conflict in the country and to some issues within the organization there. The Rwanda position has been postponed and postponed and now has been put on hold. I have no idea what is going on with it and am not expecting much information anytime soon. This has been frustrating for me because I have been eager to get back into the field and back to Rwanda. Adding to my frustration has been the uncertainty of my position here. I was originally hired on a short term contract until the end of June but that was extended until the end of August. Well here we are at the end of August and this week started with me having no idea what was happening. There were discussions earlier in the month of extending my contract and ideas thrown around for what I could be working on but my boss and my boss' boss went into the field so not much was really decided. Yesterday I had an amazing day of fun work, good learning and challenging projects. It started with a beautiful sunrise that made leaving the house before dark a little more bearable, I got to help plan a training workshop and consulted on some things. It was great. Then at the end of the day I was informed that my contract would not be renewed so Friday was my last day.
Well by saying that in the past tense I guess I have revealed that Friday is no longer my last day. I was frustrated and confused and thinking I might have to cancel plans for my trip to the Peg. I was questioning what God was doing and getting annoyed because it seems like it has been impossible for me to make any sort of stable plan for my life. I'm not talking about a plan for my whole life or even a five year plan. I'm talking about the inability to make plans for the next month of my life because of the uncertainty about where I would be and what my financial and employment status would be. I know that God is faithful and I can see in hindsight how things have worked out in the past but that knowledge does not make the present any less frustrating to deal with. So this morning I was relieved to find out that in fact my contract had been extended so that I can finish the project I am working on. But only by a week. So one more week to figure out what is next, one week of extra pay. Good enough.
And then my day got better. I got back from lunch and was informed by my coworker that one of our collegues in another department was looking for me. So I went to her desk and in the process of the conversation I was offered another job. A really fun, interesting job that I am excited about. No more tracking spending or formating training manuals like I've been doing the past couple of weeks. I get to write important things and liase with marketing to make sure they understand what they are talking about (this is important). And I get to write. This is very exciting to me because I love writing and haven't really been doing much of it lately. So I get to start a new job, brush up some old skills and still have a pay check. This position is also short term, until the end of December but that seems like years away after thinking I only had two days of paid employment left. It is also possible that the Rwanda position will be back on by then or some other opportunity that I haven't even thought of might come up. It is great. I'll be home for Christmas, I get to go to the So You Think You Can Dance show in Toronto and I get to spend more time with friends and family. The only down side is that I am not skipping winter. I am already dreading the cold!
Well by saying that in the past tense I guess I have revealed that Friday is no longer my last day. I was frustrated and confused and thinking I might have to cancel plans for my trip to the Peg. I was questioning what God was doing and getting annoyed because it seems like it has been impossible for me to make any sort of stable plan for my life. I'm not talking about a plan for my whole life or even a five year plan. I'm talking about the inability to make plans for the next month of my life because of the uncertainty about where I would be and what my financial and employment status would be. I know that God is faithful and I can see in hindsight how things have worked out in the past but that knowledge does not make the present any less frustrating to deal with. So this morning I was relieved to find out that in fact my contract had been extended so that I can finish the project I am working on. But only by a week. So one more week to figure out what is next, one week of extra pay. Good enough.
And then my day got better. I got back from lunch and was informed by my coworker that one of our collegues in another department was looking for me. So I went to her desk and in the process of the conversation I was offered another job. A really fun, interesting job that I am excited about. No more tracking spending or formating training manuals like I've been doing the past couple of weeks. I get to write important things and liase with marketing to make sure they understand what they are talking about (this is important). And I get to write. This is very exciting to me because I love writing and haven't really been doing much of it lately. So I get to start a new job, brush up some old skills and still have a pay check. This position is also short term, until the end of December but that seems like years away after thinking I only had two days of paid employment left. It is also possible that the Rwanda position will be back on by then or some other opportunity that I haven't even thought of might come up. It is great. I'll be home for Christmas, I get to go to the So You Think You Can Dance show in Toronto and I get to spend more time with friends and family. The only down side is that I am not skipping winter. I am already dreading the cold!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Some Good Introspection
I was wandering around the highways and side streets of the Internet this afternoon and I stumbled on a couple of blogs by people who are living and working in Kigali. I read these blogs with a kind of nostalgic eagerness trying to catch glimpses of the familiar landscapes and reassured by the similar struggles and philosophic wrestling these people are wrestling with. And I get homesick.
My cousin Mike is currently in Rwanda, probably waiting for dinner at a restaurant on the shores of Lake Kivu as I am writing this. He is with a team from my church and they are working with the same organization as I did the first time I went to Rwanda just over a year ago. Somehow if feels longer. It was hard for me to watch this team get ready to go since I wasn't going with them but I am so excited for what they are going to learn, see and experience. I get emails and facebook messages from Mike and from other team members about what they are doing, where they are and who of my friends they have seen. And I get homesick.
But as I think about my time in Rwanda and try to prepare for my possible-eventual-maybe return and as I read these blogs and email messages I have to start to ask myself what I am homesick for. What is it that I actually miss? How do I think of and image my experiences?
Of course I miss my favourite hangouts and the social interactions and real friendships I made while I was there. I miss shopping at Kimironkho market and I miss the green and beautiful scenery. And it is easy to say I miss the pace of life, the simplicity of things and the feeling of actually using my education and working in my Field.
But something about all of those things feels like a pat answer, the easy answer.
Do I miss the pace of life and the simplicity because I have forgotten the realities of the crushing poverty faced by the people of Rwanda? Does my longing for this simplicity in some way gloss over and somehow invalidate the daily struggle most people face?
Do I miss my work because I miss feeling important, like I am changing the world? Is there something of my own ego, my need to be appreciated and useful here?
When I think about the kids in my neighbourhood who knew me by name, do I miss them because of who they were and the relationship we started to build or do I miss the attention they gave me? When I remember their shining smiles and eager greetings am I finding their dirty faces and bare feet charming or do I acknowledge and grieve the poverty and lack that characterizes their days?
This is challenging to me, because of course my answer to these questions is in some part yes. I have minimalizled the poverty I faced every day, probably because I did face it every day. Somehow I got used to it, at least most days, so the disturbing images of children - who should be in school- begging, working or caring for siblings have been coloured with prettier colours in my mind. And of course I miss the work that actually felt like it was making a difference. I'm not sure that has to be egotistical but I know I have to pay attention to that.
Obviously my answer to the questions is also No. If it were a total yes I don't think I would be asking the questions to begin with - I wouldn't notice that I should. Poverty disturbs me on a deep and basic level. It is not what God intended for his creation and as a Christ follower I feel that justice and caring for the poor are among the foundational teachings of how we are to follow Christ. There is something in the core of me that rebels against the facts of poverty and shouts out that this isn't how it should be. It isn't how it needs to be. This is what motivates me and it is also I think what allows me to see beyond the poverty, past the bare feet and dirty torn clothing to the people and the lives behind them.
I love being home here in Canada. I have plans over the next week that will take me camping and spending time with good friends. I am planning a trip to Winnipeg in September to see old friends and even to 'teach' a class at my old school. I am really excited about new relationships and am working at strengthening old ones. So I am happy being home. But there is something that is yearning to be back in Rwanda. Something more than missing the view from Republica or the coffee at Bourbon. It is more than missing the women from the church on Fridays or picking lemons from my own tree. Sometimes this yearning worries me a little since it will take me away from home again and from people I love. But I know that there are plans for me and I trust that He leads me. And I am excited, so so excited to see what is next.
My cousin Mike is currently in Rwanda, probably waiting for dinner at a restaurant on the shores of Lake Kivu as I am writing this. He is with a team from my church and they are working with the same organization as I did the first time I went to Rwanda just over a year ago. Somehow if feels longer. It was hard for me to watch this team get ready to go since I wasn't going with them but I am so excited for what they are going to learn, see and experience. I get emails and facebook messages from Mike and from other team members about what they are doing, where they are and who of my friends they have seen. And I get homesick.
But as I think about my time in Rwanda and try to prepare for my possible-eventual-maybe return and as I read these blogs and email messages I have to start to ask myself what I am homesick for. What is it that I actually miss? How do I think of and image my experiences?
Of course I miss my favourite hangouts and the social interactions and real friendships I made while I was there. I miss shopping at Kimironkho market and I miss the green and beautiful scenery. And it is easy to say I miss the pace of life, the simplicity of things and the feeling of actually using my education and working in my Field.
But something about all of those things feels like a pat answer, the easy answer.
Do I miss the pace of life and the simplicity because I have forgotten the realities of the crushing poverty faced by the people of Rwanda? Does my longing for this simplicity in some way gloss over and somehow invalidate the daily struggle most people face?
Do I miss my work because I miss feeling important, like I am changing the world? Is there something of my own ego, my need to be appreciated and useful here?
When I think about the kids in my neighbourhood who knew me by name, do I miss them because of who they were and the relationship we started to build or do I miss the attention they gave me? When I remember their shining smiles and eager greetings am I finding their dirty faces and bare feet charming or do I acknowledge and grieve the poverty and lack that characterizes their days?
This is challenging to me, because of course my answer to these questions is in some part yes. I have minimalizled the poverty I faced every day, probably because I did face it every day. Somehow I got used to it, at least most days, so the disturbing images of children - who should be in school- begging, working or caring for siblings have been coloured with prettier colours in my mind. And of course I miss the work that actually felt like it was making a difference. I'm not sure that has to be egotistical but I know I have to pay attention to that.
Obviously my answer to the questions is also No. If it were a total yes I don't think I would be asking the questions to begin with - I wouldn't notice that I should. Poverty disturbs me on a deep and basic level. It is not what God intended for his creation and as a Christ follower I feel that justice and caring for the poor are among the foundational teachings of how we are to follow Christ. There is something in the core of me that rebels against the facts of poverty and shouts out that this isn't how it should be. It isn't how it needs to be. This is what motivates me and it is also I think what allows me to see beyond the poverty, past the bare feet and dirty torn clothing to the people and the lives behind them.
I love being home here in Canada. I have plans over the next week that will take me camping and spending time with good friends. I am planning a trip to Winnipeg in September to see old friends and even to 'teach' a class at my old school. I am really excited about new relationships and am working at strengthening old ones. So I am happy being home. But there is something that is yearning to be back in Rwanda. Something more than missing the view from Republica or the coffee at Bourbon. It is more than missing the women from the church on Fridays or picking lemons from my own tree. Sometimes this yearning worries me a little since it will take me away from home again and from people I love. But I know that there are plans for me and I trust that He leads me. And I am excited, so so excited to see what is next.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Fancy New Digs..
This is what I did while my computer ran a virus scan and I couldn't access the databases I needed at work. A very productive afternoon!
Notice I finally have links on the side! Very exciting.
Notice I finally have links on the side! Very exciting.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
August Long Weekend
I really enjoyed my long weekend. It kind of snuck up on me so I didn't have any exciting plans. At first I was a little sad about this - I should have gotten it together and gone camping or had some such adventures but instead I hung out in town. Saturday was just a relaxing day of catching up on some movies everyone else on the planet has seen except me, doing some gardening and reading on my back porch in the sun. I went to the market in the morning and stuffed my fridge full of fresh local produce and then went to my garden and got some more.
Sunday was a really fun day. Church was great with a great message that reminded me why I love my church. Then I went out for lunch with a group of friends. Hanging out on a patio while eating breakfast food is a good way to spend sunday lunch hour! Frisbee and a trip to 2nd cup for a yummy lemonade drink followed lunch. I actually bruised my hand playing frisbee which is silly and we got lots of sun. My usual sunday evening small group was reduced to two so we hung out and watched episodes of 'The Tick' and talking until 1am. I really need to get better at keeping track of time! In all it was one of my favourite days I've had in awhile. Monday included a really yummy lunch out with Steph, again out in the sun on the patio, an afternoon of reading CS Lewis and then coffee out with Jen.
I have had a number of conversations recently about good books. It has reminded me that I love reading and need to make more time for good literature. So I am currently reading The Great Divorce which I apparently have never read before even though it is on my book shelf. It is crazy good and I think I will probably read it twice just to make sure I am getting it. It has reminded me in turn that I should read more George Macdonald (Judi hooked me up back in school but I forgot about him) and maybe some Milton. And of course more of CS Lewis. Somehow I have never read his Miracles or Abolition of Man either. I think I need more long weekends and time to catch my breath. Work doesn't keep me crazy busy but somehow with all the commuting and trying to fit in daily life I forget to breathe. I don't take enough relaxing lunches or coffee dates. I may spend a little too much time talking with friends until all hours but I'm good with that :)
Sunday was a really fun day. Church was great with a great message that reminded me why I love my church. Then I went out for lunch with a group of friends. Hanging out on a patio while eating breakfast food is a good way to spend sunday lunch hour! Frisbee and a trip to 2nd cup for a yummy lemonade drink followed lunch. I actually bruised my hand playing frisbee which is silly and we got lots of sun. My usual sunday evening small group was reduced to two so we hung out and watched episodes of 'The Tick' and talking until 1am. I really need to get better at keeping track of time! In all it was one of my favourite days I've had in awhile. Monday included a really yummy lunch out with Steph, again out in the sun on the patio, an afternoon of reading CS Lewis and then coffee out with Jen.
I have had a number of conversations recently about good books. It has reminded me that I love reading and need to make more time for good literature. So I am currently reading The Great Divorce which I apparently have never read before even though it is on my book shelf. It is crazy good and I think I will probably read it twice just to make sure I am getting it. It has reminded me in turn that I should read more George Macdonald (Judi hooked me up back in school but I forgot about him) and maybe some Milton. And of course more of CS Lewis. Somehow I have never read his Miracles or Abolition of Man either. I think I need more long weekends and time to catch my breath. Work doesn't keep me crazy busy but somehow with all the commuting and trying to fit in daily life I forget to breathe. I don't take enough relaxing lunches or coffee dates. I may spend a little too much time talking with friends until all hours but I'm good with that :)
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