Oh November, how we love you.

It is the beginning of November so of course this means the Christmas season has begun. This may seem early to some of you, but then you probably are not working in a mall. At the mall Christmas begins on Halloween. So I am already singing along to Christmas carols and helping people buy Christmas gifts. A little crazy, but to keep from losing my sanity I am having fun with it and have decided to enjoy it.

November also means that it is time to start looking at my applications to Masters programs. I am really excited about this, but am dreading all the paper work and logistics involved in it. Some programs only require two letters of recomendation, others need three. Some need only one copy of my transcript (logical) while others are insisting on two (why?). I think I have narrowed it down to four options, three in Canada and one in England, but this changes a little every day so we'll see. One of my top picks is Dalhousie but they only accept 15 people into the program every year. I mean, I think I am good and all but I can't exclude the possibility that there are 15 people out there better than me. :) So I will apply to a couple of different places.

I am also applying to the University of Sussex in Brighton, England but this is sort of a pipe dream. Even if I do get accepted I would have to win the lottery or somehow get a huge grant/scholarship in order to afford it. So now I am off to work, but I'll stop and get a lottery ticket on the way :)

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I the only one who finds corporate culture hilarious? I was sitting through an orientation for one of my jobs (I won't say which one) and I had to struggle not to crack sarcastic comments to my neighbour throughout the entire thing. Everyone else seemed enthralled and excited to adopt this corporate culture's lingo but I found the whole thing really really funny. And it isn't just in this job. Almost every job I've ever had where we interact directly with customers I have struggled with the same thing. Why do we have to use such ridiculous language to talk about selling and customer service? There is a whole sub culture here and I can't take it seriously. Am I the only one?

Two jobs, one day!

Despite nearly 200 resumes being sent out to everyone from Canada Foodgrains Bank and Save the Children to Starbucks and Bouclairs, I haven't had a single interview for almost 9 months, since my contract ended in January. Talk about discouraging! Finally I had two job interviews this morning. One interview was for a new Bath and Bodyworks and the other for a coffee shop (not starbucks) downtown.

Now I have two jobs.

I am excited about this because a) it means a pay cheque and I have really missed getting one of those and b) I will have something to occupy my time and keep me sane. Both jobs seem like they will be entertaining and not awful or mindnumbing at all which is good. So I am looking forward to starting.

However, I am also a little sad. These are jobs, they are reasonably good jobs and I think they will even be fun, but they are not the jobs I feel like I should have by now. It is discouraging to be back in retail and coffee after having worked in my field and having actually put my education to use. It feels like a big step backwards. I am struggling to stay optimistic but I have this nightmare that I am 40 and am still working in retail and coffee! Irrational maybe, but still there. I will stay hopeful that a job that I can love and learn in is just around the corner.

In the meantime, if you need scented lotion or a latte you know who to ask.





** I just realized after posting this that there is a big hole between this post and the last one. To prevent too much frustration from creeping in here, let me keep this short. The positions I talked about in my last post are apparently on hold again, or are just progressing at a crazy slow pace. I don't pretend to understand. As far as I know at least two of them are still an option for me at some point in the future, but I will not be holding my breath while I wait. Instead I will be selling body wash and pulling espresso shots.

When it rains, it pours...

Eight months of nothing, of no real opportunities and no ideas. Now today all of a sudden there are three, THREE! really great positions open and I have to decide what to do. None of them are guaranteed to me, but I have a pretty good shot at all of them. One is at least a year in South Africa, and part of me is super excited about this possibility. I have been getting restless and would love to have more overseas experience. Another position is here in Canada with some possibility of short term travel and is with the emergencies and humanitarian aid side of things. So it would be similar to what I've already done, but a new challenge. The last position may be based here or overseas, I don't know yet, but involves looking after the program I helped start while I was in Rwanda.

So I have some praying and thinking to do!

It's about time...

I have actually missed posting on my blog. It has been months since I last posted, and though I have occastionally started composing a post I never finished because I realized that I have nothing interesting to say. But today I decided to post anyway.

I still don't have a job and am quickly losing any motivation to send out resumes and cover letters since they don't seem to be doing any good. I have heard rumours that a position I want at WV may soon be back on the books, but after 7 months I am not holding my breath.

I am amazed at how much this unemployment thing is affecting me. I know intellectually that my identity and worth is not tied to my employment status but the rest of me is having trouble remembering that. Seven months. That is how long I lived in Rwanda. It is almost as long as I worked for WV in Mississauga. In my new year's post I talked about a snow covered path that I was waiting for God to show me. I am still trudging through the same snow and I still can't see what is infront of me. Did I miss something along the way? I am getting restless and frustrated and I am having to try harder and harder to remember to be patient. Trusting and waiting are getting really old and I can't help but ask God "Really? I'm STILL waiting? Really?!" My conversations with God are getting more intense. I know God can handle my anger and I am relating to the Fray's "I Found God" a little too well these days. "Waiting by the telephone, but it never rang - all I needed was I call but it never came." But I also know with great certainty that God is Good, that he is Faithful and that he has a plan. So even in the midst of my frustration and mounting depression over this situation, I know and trust that he is in control.

In the midst of this, I am trying to enjoy summer while it is here. I've been to two weddings, a couple of my friends have had, or are having, babies (hang in there Amp!!)and I've spent a lot of time with friends and family. I've been playing Ultimate frisbee every sunday afternoon, I helped with our church's VBS program and I am considering going up to camp for a week next month since they still need cabin leaders. I am enjoying my vegetable garden which is growing into a huge jungle of tomatoe and zucchini plants and I am diligently checking a dozen different websites for job opportunities and sending out dozens of resumes. I got to reconnect with my friend Melissa last week while she was in town for our friend's wedding and she helped me put a few things in perspective. I went camping in June and am hoping for at least one more trip this summer. So not everything is frustrating or depressing. Hopefully I will have more cheerful posts in the near future and not wait another three months!

Happy Easter

It is a little late, but since my blog profile is telling me I haven't posted since February 20th (!?!) I think I'm doing pretty well. So happy Easter everyone!

I have really loved the lenton season this year. Through my small group and other stuff going on at church and in my own head I really got a lot out of the season this year. I am seeing some things in new ways, I've been reminded about some things and I am again able to see God moving, however slowly. This last month has been difficult for me in some ways. I am still unemployed, the dragging on of winter weather affected my mood and I have found that it is easier to be down when you don't have a routine to pull you out of yourself. On the other hand there has been lots to enjoy over the past month. I am glad to be spending more time outside and have been walking places more often then driving when the weather permits it. I turned 25 (again) at the end of March and although my real age has freaked me out a little I'm getting used to it. There are also a couple of possilbe employment opportunities infront of me. Some are more appealing than others and some scare the crap out of me if I think about them too much, but none of them are here in Ontario. I have only applied to these positions so none of them are even remotely sure things but they could take me anywhere from Burundi to Dominican and Haiti to Winnipeg. Or it could all lead to nowhere and something completely different could come up. But I am feeling more optimistic than I have in awhile. Also, my tax return arrived today and it is twice what I thought it was which was a very nice surprise :)

I would like to say that I will try to post more often. I enjoy keeping a blog for a variety of reasons but I don't want to be one of those people who post just to post. So I will try to post more often, and I will also try to pay more attention to what is going on around me so that at least I have something interesting to say. :)

I'm not dead yet....

Despite evidence to the contrary, I have not stepped off the edge of the world and I'm not dead. I have just been living a rather boring version of life and haven't had much to say. There have been developments on the job front but all of them have fallen apart so it isn't really worth mentioning. There is still a possibility that I will end up with a feild position with WV but with the hiring freeze there is no guarantee that it will be anytime in the near future. So I'm looking at other opportunities, none of which excite me as much, but at least would let me be employed and prevent the impending insanity.

On the other side of things, there are things on the plus side for being home. I am actually enjoying winter, for the most part, and have enjoyed time with friends and family. I had tea with one of my aunts a couple of weeks ago and we talked for several hours. It was nice! I am loving my church and the various things going on there. I've helped to put together a lent bible study series for small groups and am loving the relationships I'm building with the Young Adults group. Some days I feel really old with all the first years, but I've enjoyed being in a pseudo leadership position.

I do get frustrated with things though. Yesterday I had a bit of a stress freakout while working on a cover letter and finding out about the extent of the WV hiring freeze. Amp was on skype and talked me down a little and then I went for a drive and had a surprise in Zehrs seeing someone I hadn't seen for almost a year, so by the time Pam took me for a walk I had calmed down enough that I didn't feel like I was about to throw up. Today is better :)

Debt Free in 2009!

I payed off the last of my student loan this week. Such a releif.I have worked very hard to pay this off as quickly as possible which is why even with my travels and uncertain employment situation I am now debt free! Of course it didn't hurt that I qualified for interest relief while I was in Africa so the government paid all my interest payments :)I still owe the parents some money but that isn't 'real' debt since it doesn't show up on any credit report and has no interest. And as long as things go according to plan that debt will be gone by the summer too.

Who am I kidding, when has anything gone according to plan?! I hesitate to even say what the plans could possibly be since every other time I thought things were happening they didn't. So I'm not getting my hopes up and I'm not dwelling on it. I'm just praying "thy will be done" and we'll see where He takes me.

I just finished writing a report for my old boss, so I am now officially and totally unemployed. I am enjoying what I am seeing as a month off. I have been going to the gym, doing a lot of shovelling and getting things done off my "to do" list. I'm looking into some volunteering opportunities and will probably be at the food bank and maybe some other places starting next week. I am trying to train myself to think that I'm not busy since I am so used to thinking that I have no time. I'll use some of that time to spend with friends. (Except my friends all have jobs and so are busy...the irony) I laugh when I look out the window in the morning at the snow on the ground or hear another forcast for freezing rain and think fondly of my carpool that still has to brave the crazy commute. I plan to read at least part of my stack of books still in the "to read" pile - starting from the bottom with the books that have been there the longest. So I'm enjoying it. So far - it has only been a week and I still technically had some work to do. I am also keeping eyes and ears open for other job opportunities and looking for that snow covered path to be revealed.

Now that the debt is payed off it is less stressful not having a paycheck. I still have some money and one more paycheck coming so I'm not broke. I'm also blessed to have parents who are letting me stay with them rent free - another reason the student loan was payed off so quickly - so I don't have to worry about eviction or a lot of bills piling up.

All that said, I know that if this "time off" goes on too long I will go crazy. I like working, not just for the money and stability, but because I love what I do. Or I did at WV and am hoping that I will at the next place too. I get a lot of satisfaction from it. If all else fails Starbucks is always hiring...