Is there something wrong with me?

Am I the only one who finds corporate culture hilarious? I was sitting through an orientation for one of my jobs (I won't say which one) and I had to struggle not to crack sarcastic comments to my neighbour throughout the entire thing. Everyone else seemed enthralled and excited to adopt this corporate culture's lingo but I found the whole thing really really funny. And it isn't just in this job. Almost every job I've ever had where we interact directly with customers I have struggled with the same thing. Why do we have to use such ridiculous language to talk about selling and customer service? There is a whole sub culture here and I can't take it seriously. Am I the only one?

Two jobs, one day!

Despite nearly 200 resumes being sent out to everyone from Canada Foodgrains Bank and Save the Children to Starbucks and Bouclairs, I haven't had a single interview for almost 9 months, since my contract ended in January. Talk about discouraging! Finally I had two job interviews this morning. One interview was for a new Bath and Bodyworks and the other for a coffee shop (not starbucks) downtown.

Now I have two jobs.

I am excited about this because a) it means a pay cheque and I have really missed getting one of those and b) I will have something to occupy my time and keep me sane. Both jobs seem like they will be entertaining and not awful or mindnumbing at all which is good. So I am looking forward to starting.

However, I am also a little sad. These are jobs, they are reasonably good jobs and I think they will even be fun, but they are not the jobs I feel like I should have by now. It is discouraging to be back in retail and coffee after having worked in my field and having actually put my education to use. It feels like a big step backwards. I am struggling to stay optimistic but I have this nightmare that I am 40 and am still working in retail and coffee! Irrational maybe, but still there. I will stay hopeful that a job that I can love and learn in is just around the corner.

In the meantime, if you need scented lotion or a latte you know who to ask.





** I just realized after posting this that there is a big hole between this post and the last one. To prevent too much frustration from creeping in here, let me keep this short. The positions I talked about in my last post are apparently on hold again, or are just progressing at a crazy slow pace. I don't pretend to understand. As far as I know at least two of them are still an option for me at some point in the future, but I will not be holding my breath while I wait. Instead I will be selling body wash and pulling espresso shots.

When it rains, it pours...

Eight months of nothing, of no real opportunities and no ideas. Now today all of a sudden there are three, THREE! really great positions open and I have to decide what to do. None of them are guaranteed to me, but I have a pretty good shot at all of them. One is at least a year in South Africa, and part of me is super excited about this possibility. I have been getting restless and would love to have more overseas experience. Another position is here in Canada with some possibility of short term travel and is with the emergencies and humanitarian aid side of things. So it would be similar to what I've already done, but a new challenge. The last position may be based here or overseas, I don't know yet, but involves looking after the program I helped start while I was in Rwanda.

So I have some praying and thinking to do!

It's about time...

I have actually missed posting on my blog. It has been months since I last posted, and though I have occastionally started composing a post I never finished because I realized that I have nothing interesting to say. But today I decided to post anyway.

I still don't have a job and am quickly losing any motivation to send out resumes and cover letters since they don't seem to be doing any good. I have heard rumours that a position I want at WV may soon be back on the books, but after 7 months I am not holding my breath.

I am amazed at how much this unemployment thing is affecting me. I know intellectually that my identity and worth is not tied to my employment status but the rest of me is having trouble remembering that. Seven months. That is how long I lived in Rwanda. It is almost as long as I worked for WV in Mississauga. In my new year's post I talked about a snow covered path that I was waiting for God to show me. I am still trudging through the same snow and I still can't see what is infront of me. Did I miss something along the way? I am getting restless and frustrated and I am having to try harder and harder to remember to be patient. Trusting and waiting are getting really old and I can't help but ask God "Really? I'm STILL waiting? Really?!" My conversations with God are getting more intense. I know God can handle my anger and I am relating to the Fray's "I Found God" a little too well these days. "Waiting by the telephone, but it never rang - all I needed was I call but it never came." But I also know with great certainty that God is Good, that he is Faithful and that he has a plan. So even in the midst of my frustration and mounting depression over this situation, I know and trust that he is in control.

In the midst of this, I am trying to enjoy summer while it is here. I've been to two weddings, a couple of my friends have had, or are having, babies (hang in there Amp!!)and I've spent a lot of time with friends and family. I've been playing Ultimate frisbee every sunday afternoon, I helped with our church's VBS program and I am considering going up to camp for a week next month since they still need cabin leaders. I am enjoying my vegetable garden which is growing into a huge jungle of tomatoe and zucchini plants and I am diligently checking a dozen different websites for job opportunities and sending out dozens of resumes. I got to reconnect with my friend Melissa last week while she was in town for our friend's wedding and she helped me put a few things in perspective. I went camping in June and am hoping for at least one more trip this summer. So not everything is frustrating or depressing. Hopefully I will have more cheerful posts in the near future and not wait another three months!