I learned long ago that to focus too much on time is not a good thing when you are away from home. If you are not enjoying it, then counting the days makes it seem even longer. You think you are giving yourself something to look forward to (x many days/weeks until you go home to hot showers, electricity and some random food you've been craving!) but it actually makes things go more slowly then at the end you realize you've missed out on a lot because you were so focused on counting days. If you are enjoying it then focusing too much on time makes it go by even faster (you only have x days/weeks left! So much left to do and see in such a short time!!) and it is hard to just sit back and absorb the experiences. Either way you are in danger of missing your life because you are so concerned with how quickly it passes you by. I think this applies to "real" life as well, but when you are overseas it takes on a different quality.
There is an exception to this not focusing on time however. Once in awhile, even on a regular basis, it is important to take time to reflect. I have been very busy over the last week so I haven't had a whole lot of time to do this, but I've had a few moments where I've been able to reflect on what I've seen, experienced and accomplished over the last two months. I feel pretty at home in Bujumbura and I am fairly confident in my ability to find what I need on a daily basis. (Except light bulbs. The ones in my apartment are the long florescent ones but I haven't found the right ones anywhere yet. Either they are too long or two short. This is becoming annoying since the light bulb in my kitchen died two days after I moved in. So I either have to cook in the dark or before 6pm when it gets dark outside. But I digress) I have the places I go to buy this and that, I have my routes to and from the office and I have the places I walk to on the weekends. The city is familiar and even comfortable. I have not been very social here but I have a couple of good friends and I am finding that I like my own company just fine most of the time. Granted, three of these friends are leaving at the end of August or the beginning of September, but then I'll just have to make new ones. Work is settling down at the same time as it is getting busier. I am confident in (most) of what is expected of me now and I feel like I know what I'm doing. My first couple of weeks were frustrating and not terrific for my self confidence, but this was mostly because of the transition in the office and a lack of leadership, not really because of anything I was or was not doing. This is slowly settling into place. I still struggle with either being too busy, or not having enough to fill my day, but this too is slowly evening out.
I am at the same time more confident in my abilities and understanding of working in this context, and extremely aware of how little I actually know. I can lead a strategy sessions in the head office, chair meetings with partner organizations, run focus groups in the community (with a translator of course) and I can analyse reports and review proposals. But I've never done the leg work leading up to a strategy meeting (and am not entirely sure I know what this entails), I am a little intimidated by the idea of meeting with important donors and I have only ever written bits and pieces of the kinds of proposals and reports I am always analyzing. I wonder how I will feel two months from now when I've finished writing my department's strategy for the next three years, held several meetings with donors and organized a large consortium of partner organizations and am in the middle of writing a huge proposal for a very important grant? I'm sure there is more I could reflect on, but ironically enough, I've run out of time!
This has been another long post without pictures, so here is one of the Burundi countryside for you. I promise to have more in my next post!
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