Soon you will have to call me 'master'

I am currently in the process of applying for masters programs. This process is becoming more stressful and involved than I ever imagined! Part of the stress is my own fault - I let things go too long with the craziness that was the holidays this year so now my 'to do' list is long and time is short. But some of the stress is inherent in the process of application. What do I want to specialize in? What do I want to research? Who do I want to be my supervisor? In looking at programs and faculty members I am having trouble figuring out what I want to focus on. This has always been a problem since so many things about my chosen field interest me. I think policy and political economy are facinating and the glaring inconsistencies anger me so that I want to be part of the solution, or at the very least a voice of reason in the madness. On the other hand, community development at the grassroots level is in my mind the front line of development and where all the really exciting things are happening. I would rather be in a village in Rwanda than in an office in Ottawa, New York or Geneva. And still again there are subjects like peace building and reconciliation in the development context which, especially in light of my experiences in South Africa and Rwanda, really get me excited. So where do I focus my attention? I have been leaning more towards something with peacebuilding, reconciliation and the perceptions of "progress" in South Africa and Rwanda. I even found a faculty member at one of the schools I am applying to who would be perfect to supervise. Unfortunately she will be on sabbatical for the majority of my time there.
Even with all these stresses and the looming deadlines I am getting really excited about doing this next year. Getting back into academics, being a student again and getting to learn and read and study again. Really exciting! (I know I'm a geek) I have already gotten back into reading some journals and articles. So, hopefully I will get all my letters of interest and outlines and summaries finished in the next couple of days and the stress will subside. Then I just have to wait for the acceptance letters (or not...) which is also stressful....

Oh November, how we love you.

It is the beginning of November so of course this means the Christmas season has begun. This may seem early to some of you, but then you probably are not working in a mall. At the mall Christmas begins on Halloween. So I am already singing along to Christmas carols and helping people buy Christmas gifts. A little crazy, but to keep from losing my sanity I am having fun with it and have decided to enjoy it.

November also means that it is time to start looking at my applications to Masters programs. I am really excited about this, but am dreading all the paper work and logistics involved in it. Some programs only require two letters of recomendation, others need three. Some need only one copy of my transcript (logical) while others are insisting on two (why?). I think I have narrowed it down to four options, three in Canada and one in England, but this changes a little every day so we'll see. One of my top picks is Dalhousie but they only accept 15 people into the program every year. I mean, I think I am good and all but I can't exclude the possibility that there are 15 people out there better than me. :) So I will apply to a couple of different places.

I am also applying to the University of Sussex in Brighton, England but this is sort of a pipe dream. Even if I do get accepted I would have to win the lottery or somehow get a huge grant/scholarship in order to afford it. So now I am off to work, but I'll stop and get a lottery ticket on the way :)

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I the only one who finds corporate culture hilarious? I was sitting through an orientation for one of my jobs (I won't say which one) and I had to struggle not to crack sarcastic comments to my neighbour throughout the entire thing. Everyone else seemed enthralled and excited to adopt this corporate culture's lingo but I found the whole thing really really funny. And it isn't just in this job. Almost every job I've ever had where we interact directly with customers I have struggled with the same thing. Why do we have to use such ridiculous language to talk about selling and customer service? There is a whole sub culture here and I can't take it seriously. Am I the only one?

Two jobs, one day!

Despite nearly 200 resumes being sent out to everyone from Canada Foodgrains Bank and Save the Children to Starbucks and Bouclairs, I haven't had a single interview for almost 9 months, since my contract ended in January. Talk about discouraging! Finally I had two job interviews this morning. One interview was for a new Bath and Bodyworks and the other for a coffee shop (not starbucks) downtown.

Now I have two jobs.

I am excited about this because a) it means a pay cheque and I have really missed getting one of those and b) I will have something to occupy my time and keep me sane. Both jobs seem like they will be entertaining and not awful or mindnumbing at all which is good. So I am looking forward to starting.

However, I am also a little sad. These are jobs, they are reasonably good jobs and I think they will even be fun, but they are not the jobs I feel like I should have by now. It is discouraging to be back in retail and coffee after having worked in my field and having actually put my education to use. It feels like a big step backwards. I am struggling to stay optimistic but I have this nightmare that I am 40 and am still working in retail and coffee! Irrational maybe, but still there. I will stay hopeful that a job that I can love and learn in is just around the corner.

In the meantime, if you need scented lotion or a latte you know who to ask.





** I just realized after posting this that there is a big hole between this post and the last one. To prevent too much frustration from creeping in here, let me keep this short. The positions I talked about in my last post are apparently on hold again, or are just progressing at a crazy slow pace. I don't pretend to understand. As far as I know at least two of them are still an option for me at some point in the future, but I will not be holding my breath while I wait. Instead I will be selling body wash and pulling espresso shots.